Does it really get better?

I wrote this in February of this year.
>
It's gonna be a sad beginning, I'm afraid!

Well,well,well...here I am...again...after almost a year eh!  actually its over a year but hell who cares.
A lot of stuff happened and to be honest I haven't touched a pen since then.  lalala lets see hmm mhmm
I got depressed
Tried to kill myself thrice.
Couldn't do it reaally because I didn't want to lose control of my body - control freak I know
Accepted who I am
Confessed my love to HER - she rejected me - never fall in love with a straight person
On new year's - had a change of mind and decided to live - still wondering why
Stayed positive for about a month
And now I'm back to normal
It does not get better
Or maybe I want everything way to fast
Or I dont want whats in store for me
Running away seems like a good idea but im 19 almost 20 so pretty stupid
I should really learn to get along with people
What am i gonna do when my parents are gone - it worries me too much
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Well, that was me two months ago. Not saying I've change a lot, but improving day by day.
Living life one day at a time.
Perhaps I took life too seriously. Time to loosen up.

I love this song. I'm a proud Canadian!

Randomness is Awesome!

Life is a merry go round - when it stops, you either barf or you don't.
Life is a joke - its either funny or disturbing.
Well, since I'm so reserved and people know next to nothing about me, I'm taking this random survey, which I got off from AfterEllen.

1. Tell me something obvious about you. I'm a huge movie buff. 
2. Tell me something about you that many don't know. I come off as a rude, stuck-up biotch  to strangers, but really I'm just shy. 
3. What is your biggest fear? To wake up someday and realize I've lost the real me in the blur of the stars.
4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut? Short cut.
5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money. Her love.
6. What is your most treasured possession? My Ipod.
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often? Smoking.
8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know. I'm only sexually attracted to someone when I fall in love with them.
9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows. How can others know when I don't know it myself. hehe
10. What is your favorite lie to tell? "I'm almost there"
11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again. Horse riding.
12. Are you the jealous type? Nope.
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to? My mum.
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you? My 12-year-old sister made me a breakfast in bed. hehe.
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be? Drive the car at the maximum speed.
16. When was the last time you cried? umm when i was watching my sister's keeper.
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered? Last month when I kinda recovered from Depression.
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on? Nope.
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk. Never been drunk.
20. If you answered this questionaire, who else would you like to see answer it? My readers.
21. If you lied on any of the questions, which ones and why? Didn't lie.


Life is an alarm clock - either you get up or you snooze it.

My First day at Job!

I haven't had a job for over a year and now I got the job day before yesterday.
TBH, I enjoyed doing nothing. It was too much fun, however my siblings got tired of me being there with them all the time. Well, who wouldn't be when I'm always there, invading their privacy. Therefore, I decided to get a jobbb!
Okay I'm lying! My sister kinda sorta got me the job. She went through all the trouble to attend job fairs, send resumes and when finally she got the job, she changed her mind or rather my mom made her change her mind since she's still in high school and stuff. She's a Nerd with a capital N. :D
So yeah its a call center. I'm not gonna say its boring because its not. Probably because I'm boring or just take my job way too seriously. I don't take no breaks during the 4 hours shift!
Personally, I'm against getting a job. I'm such a hypocrite -.-
I mean shouldn't you do what you love? what you enjoy doing?
I've always wanted to be a race car driver, but I guess my dream has to die in order for me to survive in this world.
:(

Another day, another story

I love her!

It sure takes a long time to recover. Depression is not something that will go away with the wind. It’s like flu; it comes and goes as it pleases.  Some days I’m so happy that if a stranger looked at me he’d say o’boy this girl has yet to see the real cruel world.  I’m not saying that I have totally closed my eyes toward negativity. I have come to the conclusion that I will not waste one more second on thinking how unfair the world is or how I don’t deserve to be treated this way. Life is really short although it seems to last forever. Well, the point is to do whatever you wish to do with your life, but if you don’t know what to do then we might have a problem here.

Hah! I’m only kidding. No I’m not. I don’t know. I’m no expert at this.

Whatever, I’ll just tell you what I’m doing. I’ve given up hoping for a better future. What’s better future without the real me there anyway?

My current status would be: floating through life.

Most of the time, I’m doing absolutely nothing. And it’s fine with me, like, I’m completely satisfied with it although peeps around me seem to disagree with me.

Oh I just had an epiphany!

If you don’t know what to do with your life then devote it to others and make them happy. Omg! I’m going to make my parents happy.

Anyway, tomorrow I’m going to watch the new Natalie Portman Movie (Your Highness). Eeeee !

Yes I know I sound gay well that’s because I’m not straight! :D

I will Survive

My Little Snowy!

I’m not trying to be melodramatic here with my title. Ah, who am I kidding? Life is a drama and one hectic journey.  It ain’t easier for nobody! Argh.

However, life wouldn’t be as fruitful, beautiful and interesting without the suffering we peeps go through every day.   I mean just imagine a perfect life? What’s that? Can’t imagine it? Well, that’s because it’s not supposed to be imaginable.  

Hah! I’m only kidding. You can have it all- a perfect life that is. Just find your inner peace.  Do what makes you feel happy.  Once you’re happy and content, there you have it! Yes, your very own perfect life.

Too cliché? O’ well, deal with it.

I don’t know what else to write. I’m fairly new at this.

                                                         

                                                         Aritey Matey! :)