If it wasn't for my heart, I wouldn't be breathing

When I'm really excited or anxious, my heart throbs against my chest really loud and fast. It's like it wants to come out and dance in my hands. 
Sometimes, it pains for no apparent reason. I shrug it off because I know if I paid too much attention, it would explode inside. It's holding too much inside, but I've learnt how to burry my secrets and desires in it. 

My heart pains because it wants to let go off all those painful secrets and desires and beat freely without a fear. 
My heart knows that I have no desire to live. However, it still pushes me and tries to show me the wonderful world around me. It wants to live, but it's also aware that it can't live without me. My heart cries and begs every night before I go to bed, it gives me every possible reason to live, it tells me how wonderful the world really is, it begs me to open up and let it show the world through it's throbbing eyes. And every night I, unwillingly, put a lock to my heart so I can sleep peacefully without it wanting me to wake up and live. 
Every morning, I unlock my heart because if I leave it locked, it cries so loudly that my whole body shakes and vibrates. I wish I could just lose the key for once and all and forget my heart ever existed.